That's Just the Feeling

This fall has been a bizarre season. No matter how much I tell myself that a single life is only one timeline, with a definite beginning and end, I can't help but constantly give myself over to that American idea of perpetually having the capability of beginning again. I think part of it is that I believe people can change. I mean, there are two ways of going about it: people change or they don't. And if I believe people change, then I have to believe I have the capacity to change too-- for better or worse. And man oh man, does the idea of ever growing worse startle me. I can't be the only one, though I may be in slim company of those who are infinitely conscious of it at most every moment, even in dreams. 

One of the reasons I married Tim is because we speak the same language. He has the exact same capacity of the infinitely conscious fear of being one who grows worse. I'm not saying that it's because of, but maybe only informed by, that fear that he is pretty good at saying something I've never heard before when I need to hear it. For this strange fall season, Tim told me that the worst tragedies happen on otherwise beautiful days because it's the only way anyone could cope with it. 

I mean, damn. That's poignant. 

Throughout this strange fall season, with all it's dramatics moving in completely disparate directions, along with other things, I keep thinking of what Tim told me. Maybe part of it's poignancy is connected to staying in the center of things. When things get to feeling like you're being tosses around at sea, I hear the best thing to do is remain a stone. So for this strange season, I've tried my best to remain a stone. But even living in this little city, one can only really stay a stone for so long, hardly anytime at all.

I keep going back to that scene in Broken Flowers too. When Bill Murray is at the end, all busted up and broken, suffocating under the gravity of life and being, and all the repercussions that stem from both, and he's holding those terrible, cheap pink flowers. He's leaning against a giant old tree, squatting next to the grave of one of his last loves, crying. Whenever I picture this in my mind, it's raining. I've seen the movie at least twenty times, and the greens are so fresh, they feel wet with the weight of falling rain.

But it isn't raining at all. That's just the feeling. 

For the most part, outside my love for Tim and Langston, I don't know where I'm traveling. But I know I'm capable, and I know people love me. (I dyed my hair pink this month, and immediately, my wonderful cousin texted me, "Are you okay? It's pink not brown, but does it mean the same thing?")

I think art is inside/outside-- part of the time is collecting, the other part is creating. Sometimes the stages take years to navigate. This week I've realized that it's probably just time for the other side of things.

"First Individual Lesson with the Ballet Mistress Trained at the Royal Academy, set to the Coda of Swan Lake" published

"First Individual Lesson with the Ballet Mistress Trained at the Royal Academy, set to the Coda of Swan Lake" was published in the annual issue of Paper Nautilus. And it's beautiful. 

"When the Skeleton Meets the Stranger" published at The Furious Gazelle

My short story, "When the Skeleton Meets the Stranger" has been picked up by The Furious Gazelle.

The narrative is the second part to a previously published piece, "Who Are the Fantasy Girls?" (at BlazeVox).

The beginnings of each piece start in the true parts of my personal experience in NYC, but sway farther out into some other, darker circumstance, dictated by the main character.

"Weekends in the Forest" published in the South Florida Poetry Journal

my poem "Weekends in the Forest" is in the current issue of the South Florida Poetry Journal, and I couldn't be happier! The South Florida Poetry Journal has published some of my favorite poets, those I had the pleasure of studying at Blake, who were actually amazing enough to lead workshops in our high school classrooms. at such a young age, when kids are directed to do other things than write creatively, those engagements encouraged me and reinforced my need and absolute pleasure to be, and always be, a writer.

"Pastoral of the Morning Chore" is in the fall issue of Midnight Circus

volume no. 13.

"Gretel in the Burned House" published in the Gingerbread House Review

My poem "Gretel in the Burned House" has been published by the Gingerbread House Review. The artwork is beautiful too. Here is the link.

two of my ballet poems published at Otis Nebula

two of my ballet poems, "The Conversation with the Woman before She Fell Headfirst into the Studio Mirrors, Three Minutes Before Ballet Class" and "Second Individual Lesson, at the Barre, with the Ballet Mistress Trained at the Royal Academy" have found a home in issue 11 of Otis Nebula. I love the art and layout of the issue. It's gorgeous.

on failure and big time embarrassment:

I’ve never really considered myself as having a polarizing personality, and it is mostly because I give such attention to empathy and understanding, and I guess I’ve always lead with the idea that people don’t like me before they do. Though lately, I don’t know if this is true anymore. I think that maybe, since my birthday, I’ve been too introspective, too apt to taking up the responsibility for a miss communication, or what I perceive as someone’s frustration with me.

In all the books I read about ballet, books that specifically reinforce the fact that ballet cannot be learned from a book— not just the technique, but maybe even more importantly, the etiquette— I always hear that when it comes to a ballet mistress, cruelty is a specific quality found in a good teacher. And I kind of thought that was a joke. Or I thought that because I am an adult, no one ever in the world would take my ballet education seriously enough to be cruel. But I guess I should step back a minute. Far back.

Since the fifth grade patrol picnic, when I figured I could lead a group of girls through the swamp, strategically knowing the places we could step to keep out of the muck (because I was raised on a swamp and explored them with my brother, because I was a Girl Scout, because I was tough, because I devoured Nancy Drew books, because I was a wild thing, because), I have had to learn how to fail, always alone, and always publicly. Because I didn't know the steps, I fell chest high in the swamp, ruining my white Levis cutoffs and Atlanta Braves t-shirt. No one followed me, and there were no paper towels at the picnic, just toilet paper and napkins (you can imagine how wonderfully I cleaned up). No one sat with me on the bus back, and when I told my fifth grade teacher what happened when we got back to the school (because of course he didn't go), he laughed and called me Swamp Thing, which stuck for a few weeks, until it just didn't anymore. 

The thing is, I have yet to find the one thing I am naturally good at. You know, the God-given gift. I’ve looked for it for forever, thrown myself, whole-heartedly, into lots of things. And so far, my excitement and tenacity, my absolute desire and hard work, greatly outweigh my ability, until I can give enough time and attention to overcome the deficit.

And because my desire outweighs my ability, I have a difficult time seeing outside of myself when it comes to my desires, which used to lead to big-time embarrassment, when I was a kid, but now I think it has made me polarizing. This translates to the fact that I do something truly ridiculous at least once a year, and my sarcasm, my ability to brush off and keep moving, has always pushed me through (even when I fall from my stilettos while reading Orwell out loud, in front of a class of 30 freshman, and say oh noooo! in a Smurf voice, as I hit the ground, and walk around for a week with a limp and a bruise that stretched from hip to knee, I'm good). But that behavior doesn’t seem so excusable anymore.

And in a ballet class, especially since I've begun the intermediate class (dancing with women who have danced since they were small) after my own short, eleven month stint of dancing, there are a lot of standards that are not familiar to me. My ability to very publicly fail has served me well in my study of ballet, if only because after profound ridicule, the kind that separates me from the everyone else, I take it in. I consider my own faults that led to it, and I try, two-three hours everyday until the next class, to make up for my deficiencies. But that takes time.

For the last three years, whenever I fail at something— it could be making friends, publishing a story, getting a job, learning something new— Tim tells me that Michael Jordan didn't make his high school basketball team. And for some reason, that fact always makes me feel better. Every time, and for anything. Even right now, it makes me feel like failure, and standing alone, is pretty okay. When I was a kid, and the same kind of things would happen—I had a hard time making friends, I didn’t get picked for a competition team—my dad would tell me it’d be okay when I was older, because as long as I found one good person in the world who I could be friends with, then nothing else matters as much after that. And that kind of makes me want to cry because it is one of those things I always believed, and it turned out to be true. 

storm clouds

high / low study of dance and movement

I tried to slowly read through Meredith Daneman's 580 page biography, but I ended up devouring the entire tome way too quickly, and now I'm in a tailspin. Knowing I only had 60 pages left before work this morning, I wore my ballet leotard under a sweater and skirt (because I have to hurry to a lesson immediately after work, and I want to finish the biography before my lesson because I like to talk to my instructor about books), but the more I read, the more it felt like I was being taken along on a death march. I tried to bounce around campus to put off the end somewhat, carry all these giant bags around to different sunny, glass rooms, to the library with the big windows. but I finally ended back round to this tiny dark space, to finish it all up, and read about Fonteyn's death, and that sad dancing bear story she wrote for her mother's birthday, so the Black Queen would have something to read to the grand kids. 

In 1981, when Fonteyn was 62, she danced Le Spectre de la Rose with a 43 year old Nureyev, his body already in accelerated decline (due to AIDS), and hers wrecked with cancer, one of her feet completely paralyzed. Daneman writes: "Her performance with him is a miracle of deception: even through the eyes of an ungovernable camera, she remains utterly in control of where she wants our eye to be-- not on her lax, decrepit feet, but on the still-taunt glory of her upper body, her speaking port de bras, and lovely face" (532).

The spirit is such a fascinating thing.

A few weeks ago, when we were practicing our routine for the performance, our instructor said that no matter how hard we work on our feet, it is of no mind to the audience, because they are only watching our faces and our port de bras. I've been thinking about that a lot lately, even though I've learned some interesting points about jumps this week. And yesterday, one of the women in my class sent me a video of our routine. From the beginning, my eyes were completely focused on one woman on the screen. Even in the simplest movements, she seems to fill the entire space, and as soon as she tapers off, the entire thing falls apart (which isn't saying much for me because though she and I share the front row, I'm the last to leave).

Anyway, including Margot Fonteyn, this is the study so far, everything I've invested in since mid-December, 185 parts long.

High / Low Study of Dance and Movement

1.     “7 Ways Dance Class is Different When You’re an Adult.” Rockettes Blog. MSG Sports & Entertainment, n.d. Web. 25 Apr. 2016.

2.     A Chorus Line. Dir. Michael Bennett. Perf. Michael Douglas, Audrey Landers. Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, 1985. Film.

3.     Acocella, Joan. “Wild Thing: Rudolf Nureyev, onstage and off.” The New Yorker. Conde Nast.  8 Oct. 2007. Web. 10 Jan. 2016.

4.     "Adam Schnell discusses Beethoven, Ballet and the fulfillment dance brings." Ballet Nebraska. Ballet Nebraska, 12 Jan. 2016. Web. 16 Jan. 2016.

5.     Aloff, Mindy. Dance Anecdotes: Stories from the Worlds of Ballet, Broadway, the Ballroom, and Modern Dance. New York: Oxford University Press, 2006. Print.

6.     Amen, Melissa. “The Native American Ghost Dances.” The Dr. Quinn Times. The DQ Times, n.d. Web. 23 Dec. 2015.

7.     An American in Paris. Dir. Vincente Minnelli. Perf. Gene Kelly, Leslie Caron. Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, 1951. Film.

8.     Atwood, Margaret. “Dancing.” The Writer’s Almanac. American Public Media, 10 Nov. 2009. Web. 10 Jan. 2016.

9.     ---. “Helen of Troy Does Countertop Dancing.” poets.org. Academy of America Poets, n.d. Web. 10 Jan. 2016.

10.  Ballet 422. Dir. Jody Lee Lipes. Perf. Justin Peck. Magnolia Pictures, 2015. Film.

11.  Ballet Rocks. Dir. Jenna Lee. Perf. Fernanda Oliveira, Begona Cao-miranda. Jenna Lee on YouTube, 2011. Film.

12.  Barry, Doug. "Greta Gerwig on the Cultish Tendencies of Ballet Classes." Jezebel. Jezebel. 13 July 2013. Web. 22 Jan. 2016.

13.  ---. "More Bolshoi Ballet Drama: Star Dancer's Contract Will Not Be Renewed.” Jezebel. Jezebel. 9 June 2013. 22 Jan. 2016.

14.  Beris, Rebecca. “5 Things That Will Happen To Your Brain When You Dance.” Lifehack. Lifehack, n.d. Web. 26 Apr. 2016.

15.  Bert Stern: The Original Mad Man. Dir. Shannah Laumeister. Perf. Bert Stern, Allegra Kent. First Run Features, 2012. Film.

16.  Black Swan. Dir. Darren Aronofsky. Perf. Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis. Twentieth Century Fox Films, 2010. Film.

17.  Boland, Kathryn. "Four Guidelines for Stretching—with Mind and Body." Dance Informa. Dance News International, 2 Dec. 2015. Web. 24 Jan. 2016.

18.  ---. "Keep Your Muscles Cozy this Winter." Dance Informa. Dance News International, LLC, 5 Jan. 2016. Web. 13 Jan. 2016.

19.  Brandt, Amy. “Am I Ready for Point?”

20.  ---. “Keenan Kampa On High Strung—and Why She Left the Mariinsky.” Pointe. Dance Media, 8 Apr. 2016. Web. 25 Apr. 2016.

21.  Brown, Mark. “Matthew Bourne takes risk on ballet version of The Red Shoes.” The Guardian. Guardian News and Media. 5 Apr. 2016. Web. 19 Apr. 2016.

22.  Buchanan, Cathy Marie. The Painted Girls. New York: Riverhead Books, 2013. Print.

23.  “Bulling Through.” Flesh and Bone. Writ. Moira Walley-Beckett. Dir. David Michod. Sarah Hay. Starz. Starz Inc., Meridian, 11 Nov. 2015. Television.

24.  Burke, Siobhan. “The Animal as Magnetic Muse: Frenetic Footwork, Embodying a Lion or Snake.” The New York Times. 4 Apr. 2016: C4. Print.

25.  ---. “Ballet Trilogy Inspired by a Work By Cage That Drew Jeers in ‘77.” The New York Times. 22 Apr. 2016: C13. Print.

26.  ---. “Illuminating Racial Identities.” The New York Times. 11 Jan. 2016: C4. Print.

27.  ---. “Peck Adapts Andersen, And Good Fights Evil Amid Fine Plumage.” The New York Times. 25 Apr. 2016: C5. Print.

28.  ---. “Poking Fun at Ballet Conventions With Silliness and Sophistication.” The New York Times. 18 Apr. 2016: C2. Print.

29.  Cappelle, Laura. “A New Bolshoi? Makhar Vaziev takes leadership at the ballet.” Dance Magazine. Dance Media, 29 Feb. 2016. Web. 25 Apr. 2016

30.  “Cathy Brings It On!” Dance Moms. Abby Lee Miller, Mackenzie Ziegler. Hearst Corporation and Walt Disney Company. Lifetime Entertainment Services, New York, 13 Sept. 2011. Television.

31.  Cathy Roe’s The Art of Petit Allegro Ballet. Dir. Cathy Roe. Perf. Jennifer Boren. Cathy Roe Dance on YouTube, 2007. Film.

32.  Charaipotra, Sona, and Dhonielle Clayton. Tiny Pretty Things. New York: Harper Teen, 2015. Print.

33.  “Cheerleader Blues.” Dance Moms. Abby Lee Miller, Mackenzie Ziegler. Hearst Corporation and Walt Disney Company. Lifetime Entertainment Services, New York, 27 July 2011. Television.

34.  "Claire Goodwillie Discusses Her Inspirations, Aspirations and Cleopatra." Ballet Nebraska. Ballet Nebraska, 20 Aug. 2015. Web. 30 Aug. 2015.

35.  Colbert, Brandy. Pointe. New York: G.P. Putnam’s Sons, 2014. Print.

36.  Conaboy, Kelly. “If I Were A Ballerina.” The New Yorker. Conde Nast, 17 Mar. 2016. Web. 28 Mar. 2016.

37.  Cooper, Michael. “Romanian Ballet Company Loses Leading Lights.” The New York Times. 13 Apr. 2016: C4. Print.

38.  Copeland, Misty. Life in Motion: An Unlikely Ballerina. New York: Touchstone, 2014. Print.

39.  “Costume designer Travis Halsey discusses ‘Peter and the Wolf’ inspirations” Ballet Nebraska. Ballet Nebraska, 25 Apr. 2016. Web. 25 Apr. 2016.

40.  Crisp, Clement. “Homage to Galina Ulanova, Bolshoi Theatre, Moscow.” Financial Times. The Financial Times LTD, 20 May 2005. Web. 6 Dec. 2015.

41.  Daddy Long Legs—Leslie Caron—Hong Kong Cafe. Dir. Jean Negulesco. Perf. Leslie Caron. Eavanelio on YouTube, 2010. Film.

42.  Dance for Me. Dir. Katrine Philp. Perf. Egor Kondratkenko and Mie Lincke Funch. Starz Media, 2015. Film.

43.  Dance Theatre of Harlem. Dir. Virginia Johnson. Perf. Chyrstyn Fentroy, Stephanie Rae Williams, Da’von Doane. Orpheum Theater, Omaha. 25 Feb. 2016. Performance.

44.  Daneman, Meredith. Margot Fonteyn. New York: Viking Penguin, 2004. Print.

45.  Denby, Davif. “Fancy Footwork: Black Swan and Love and Other Drugs.” The New Yorker. Conde Nast. 6 Dec. 2010. Web. 7 Jan. 2016.

46.  Devaney, Beulah. “The Illegal, Underground Ballerinas of Iran.” Broadly. Vice Media LLC, 11 Jan. 2016. Web. 15 Jan. 2016.

47.  Diana, Julia. “On Balance: How to Nail Long Balances. Dance Spirit. Dance Media. 15 Nov. 2011. Web. 8 Feb. 2016.

48.  Diaz, Eric. “Gothic Cabarets from 19^th Century Paris were Spooky Fabulous.” Nerdist. Chris Hardwick, 2 Oct. 2015. Web. 16 Jan. 2016.

49.  Di Orio, Laura. “Overcoming Obstacles; Finding Fulfillment: Part I.” Dance Informa. Dance News International. 21 Jan. 2016. Web. 8 Feb. 2016.

50.  Duncan, Isadora. My Life. New York: Liveright Publishing Corporation, 1927. Print.

51.  “Dying to Dance.” Dance Moms. Abby Lee Miller, Mackenzie Ziegler. Hearst Corporation and Walt Disney Company. Lifetime Entertainment Services, New York, 17 Aug. 2011. Television.

52.  Eaves, Elisabeth. Bare: The Naked Truth About Stripping. Emeryville: Seal Press, 2004. Print.

53.  Eichenbaum, Rose. The Dancer Within: Intimate Conversations with Great Dancers. Middletown: Wesleyan University Press, 2008. Print.

54.  “Ephrat Asherie.” Dance Magazine. Dance Media, 25 Jan. 2016. Web. 10 Feb. 2016.

55.  “Erika Overturff weaves nostalgia and frontier spirit into new ballet ‘Go West!’” Ballet Nebraska. Ballet Nebraska, 31 Mar. 2016. Web. 6 Mar. 2016.

56.  First Position. Dir. Bess Kargman. Perf. Michaela DePrince, Miko Fogarty. First Position Films, 2012. Film.

57.  Flack, Sophie. Bunheads. New York: Poppy, 2011. Print.

58.  Florida, Richard. "How the Arts Add to Urban Economy." City Lab. The Atlantic Monthly Group. 24 Dec. 2014. Web. 5 Jan. 2016.

59.  Foster, Hannah. “Pittsburgh Ballet Theatre’s Sensory-Friendly Peter Pan.” Pointe. Dance Media, 1 Feb. 2016. Web. 12 Feb. 2016.

60.  ---. “The Washington Ballet’s Septime Webre to Step Down.” Pointe. Dance Media, 8 Feb. 2016. Web. 12 Feb. 2016.

61.   ---. “#TBT: The Red Shoes Then and Now.” Pointe. Dance Media, 7 Apr. 2016. Web. 19 Apr. 2016.

62.  Francis, Rain. "15 Reasons We Love... Basket." Dance Informa. Dance Informa, 5 Jan. 2016. Web. 27 Jan. 2016.

63.  “From Ballerinas to Show Girls.” Dance Moms. Abby Lee Miller, Mackenzie Ziegler.  Hearst Corporation and Walt Disney Company. Lifetime Entertainment Services, New York, 7 Sept. 2011. Television.

64.  Fuhrer, Margaret. “Ashley Bouder Is Six Months Pregnant, Still Fouettéing Like a TOTAL BOSS.” Dance Spirit. Dance Media, 10 Feb. 2016. Web. 11 Feb. 2016.

65.  ---. “Friday Video Break Time: Be Mesmerized by Justin Peck’s New Ballet.” Dance Spirit. Dance Media, 25 Mar. 2016. Web. 28 Mar. 2016.

66.  Galchen, Rivka. “An Unlikely Ballerina: The Rise of Misty Copeland.” The New Yorker. Conde Nast. 22 Sept. 2014. Web. 7 Jan. 2016.

67.  "Gelsey Kirkland: Speaking from the Heart." Dance Magazine. Ed. Jennifer Stahl. Dance Media LLC, 25 July 2007. Web. 6 Dec. 2015.

68.  Gharnit, Yasmeen. "How Celebrity Trainer Tracy Anderson Keeps Her Clients in Shape." Nylon. Nylon Media, 22 Jan. 2015. Web. 13 Jan. 2016.

69.  Goleman Ph.D., Daniel, and Joel Gurin. "What is Mind/Body Medicine?" Mind Body Medicine: How to Use Your Mind for Better Health. Ed. Daniel Goleman, Ph.D., and Joel Gurin. Yonkers: Consumer Reports Books, 1993. 3-18. Print.

70.  Gore, Sidney. “Michaela DePrince is a Role Model for Girls On & Off Stage. Nylon. Nylon Media, 5 Feb. 2016. Web. 8 Feb. 2016.

71.  Graham, Martha. Blood Memory. New York: Doubleday, 1991. Print.

72.  Grossbart Ph.D., Ted A. "The Skin: Matters of the Flesh." Mind Body Medicine: How to Use Your Mind for Better Health. Ed. Daniel Goleman, Ph.D., and Joel Gurin. Yonkers: Consumer Reports Books, 1993. 145-160. Print. 

73.  Guest, Rick. “What Lies Beneath.” Rick Guest Books. Big Cartel, n.d. Web. 10 Feb. 2016.

74.  Hamilton, Jennifer. “The Dance Revolution in the World of Jane Austen.” The Jane Austen Society of North American: Nebraska Region. W. Dale Clarke Library, Omaha. 12 Dec. 2015. Lecture.

75.  Hammond, Sandra Noll. Ballet: Beyond the Basics. Palo Alto: Mayfield Publishing Company, 1982. xi-52. Print.

76.  Harper’s Bazaar. “Misty Copeland channels Degas's ballerinas for the March issue of BAZAAR, photographed by NYC Dance Project.” Harper’s Bazaar. Facebook, 10 Feb. 2016. Web. 11 Feb. 2016.  

77.  Harss, Marina. "The Power Plays at the Bolshoi, on Film." The New Yorker. Conde Nast, 21 Dec. 2015. Web. 5 Jan. 2016.

78.  Heller, Steven. “Bert Stern’s Beautiful Photography and Less-Beautiful Personal Life, on Screen.” The Atlantic. The Atlantic Monthly Group, 11 Apr. 2013. Web. 9 Jan. 2016.

79.  Herod, Kena. “Gene Kelly, My Sore Eyes Look to You: An Expatriate American Considers an American Dancer and Icon.” Maisonneuve. Ed. Daniel Viola. Maisonneuve, 18 Jan. 2005. Web. 8 Dec. 2015.

80.  Howrey, Meg. The Cranes Dance. New York: Vintage Books, 2012. Print.

81.  Independent Lens. “’A Ballerina’s Tale’: The Rise of Misty Copeland.” The Atlantic Video. The Atlantic Monthly Group, 4 Feb. 2016. Web. 8 Feb. 2016.

82.  “It All Ends Here.” Dance Moms. Abby Lee Miller, Mackenzie Ziegler. Hearst Corporation and Walt Disney Company. Lifetime Entertainment Services, New York, 28 Sept. 2011. Television.

83.  James Bay - Forever - Renee Kester x Tim Milgram. Dir. Tim Milgram. Perf. Renee Kester. Tim Milgram on YouTube, 2016. Film.

84.  Kavanagh, Julie. “A Dancer’s Demons.” Intelligent Life Magazine. The Economist Newspaper, Sept. /Oct. 2012. Web. 10 Feb. 2016.

85.  Kent, Allegra. The Dancers’ Body Book. New York: Harper Collins Publishers, 1984. Print.

86.  ---. Once a Dancer… New York: St. Martin’s Press, 1997. Print.

87.  ---. “To Toss or Not to Toss: Allegra Kent Remembers a Hairdo Disaster Onstage.” Dance Magazine. Ed. Jennifer Stahl. Dance Media LLC, 1 Mar. 2011. Web. 6 Dec. 2015.

88.  Kiecolt-Glaser Ph.D., Janice K., and Ronald Glaser Ph.D. "Mind and Immunity." Mind Body Medicine: How to Use Your Mind for Better Health. Ed. Daniel Goleman, Ph.D., and Joel Gurin. Yonkers: Consumer Reports Books, 1993. 39-61. Print.

89.  King, David. “Notes on Body Types…” A Ballet Education. A Ballet Education. 1 May 2016. Web. 2 May 2016.

90.  ---.  “Notes on the Style of Attitude Derriere.” A Ballet Education. A Ballet Education. 28 Mar. 2016. Web. 21 Apr. 2016.

91.  ---. “What is the Ideal Ballet Body?” A Ballet Education. A Ballet Education. 1 Feb. 2016. Web. 1 May 2016.

92.  Koegel, Jill. "An Omaha dietitian’s No. 1 rule for better willpower, fewer cravings." Livewell Nebraska. Blue Cross Blue Shield Nebraska, Omaha World-Herald, 27 Jan. 2016. Web 27 Jan. 2016.

93.  Kourlas, Gia. “Delivering a Valentine Most Bittersweet.” The New York Times. 15 Feb. 2016: C3. Print.

94.  ---. “Duet of Darkness and Depth.” The New York Times. 15 Jan. 2016: C16. Print.

95.  ---. “Festival Returns Dancers to the Spotlight.” The New York Times. 12 Feb. 2016: C2. Print.

96.  ---. “Thunderous Beats, Swirly Shapes.” The New York Times. 22 Jan. 2016: C4. Print.

97.  Kirkland, Gelsey. Dancing on My Grave. New York: Double Day and Company, Inc. 1986. Print.

98.  Lehmann-Haupt, Christopher. “Opal Petty, 86, Patient Held 51 Years Involuntarily in Texas, Dies.” The New York Times. Ed. Dean Baquet. The New York Times Company, 17 Mar. 2005. Web. 8 Dec. 2015.

99.  Loeffler-Gladstone, Nicole. “Maddie’s Ziegler’s New Capezio Video.” Dance Spirit. Dance Media, 9 Feb. 2016. Web. 10 Feb. 2016.

100.                  “Love on the Dance Floor.” Dance Moms. Abby Lee Miller, Mackenzie Ziegler. Hearst Corporation and Walt Disney Company. Lifetime Entertainment Services, New York, 31 Aug. 2011. Television.

101.                  Lucky Thirteen: A Dance Video. Dir. Bunny Kinney. Perf. Maddie Ziegler and Chloe Sevigny. i-D on YouTube, 2015. Film.

102.                  Macaulay, Alastair. “A Miami Troupe Raises the Bar in New York.” The New York Times. 18 Apr. 2016: C1. Print.

103.                  ---. “A Troupe At Home Outside Its Turf.” The New York Times. 15 Apr. 2016: C4. Print.

104.                  ---. “Beckoning to the Swans of 1895.” The New York Times. 8 Feb. 2016: C1. Print.

105.                  ---. “From Sugarplum Fairy To New Stage Magic.” The New York Times. 19 Feb. 2016: C5. Print.

106.                  ---. “In a Ritualistic Hive, Two Queens and Their Handmaidens.” The New York Times. 11 Jan. 2016: C6. Print.

107.                  ---. “Movement With Extraordinary Juxtapositions and Oppositions.” The New York Times. 25 Apr. 2016: C5. Print.

108.                  ---. “Serious Absurdity, in Step With Lively Pop Melodies.” The New York Times. 12 Feb. 2016: C3. Print.

109.                  ---. “Suspicions of Infidelity, In Jumps and Gestures.” The New York Times. 22 Jan. 2016: C1. Print.

110.                  Macur, Juliet. “For the World’s Top Gymnast, a Body in Motion is a Mind at Rest.” The New York Times. Ed. Dean Baquet. The New York Times Company, 12 Feb. 2016. Web. 29 Mar. 2016.

111.                  “Margot Fonteyn Dances Sleeping Beauty.” Dir. Frederick Ashton. Perf. Margot Fonteyn. VAI Music on YouTube, 2007. Film.

112.                  “Margot Fonteyn / Rudolf Nureyev: Giselle (PAS DE DEUX FROM ACT II).” Dir. Frederick Ashton. Perf. Margot Fonteyn, Rudolf Nureyev. ICA Classics on YouTube, 1962. Film.

113.                  Mascia, Kristen. “Pressures on Pointe: Confessions of an Elite Ballerina.” Elle. Hearst Communications. 12 Feb. 2014. Web. 26 Apr. 2016.

114.                  Maxted, Anna. "Take Up Ballet as an Adult." The Guardian. Guardian News and Media Limited, 12 Apr. 2014. Web. 22 Jan. 2016.

115.                  McCann, Colum. Dancer. New York: Picador, 2003. Print.

116.                  McKinley, Jesse. “Fierstein as Tevye: Sounds Crazy, No?” The New York Times. Ed. Dean Baquet. The New York Times Company, 2 Jan. 2005. Web. 8 Dec. 2015.

117.                  Miden, Eliza Gaynor. The Ballet Companion: A Dancer’s Guide to the Techniques, Traditions, and Joys of Ballet. New York: Fireside, 2005. Print.

118.                  Miller, Linda G. Classical Ballet Terms and Definitions. Fairfax: George Mason University, 2011. PDF File.

119.                  Moments of Grace: Wendy Whelan. Dir. Tom Thurman. Perf. Wendy Whelan. Public Broadcasting Service, 2013. Film.

120.                  “Montage: Firebird Dance Performance with Margot Fonteyn.” Getty Images. Getty Images, n.d. Film. 26 Apr. 2016.

121.                  New York City Ballet. “Does good prevail over evil? Is art eternal? The Most Incredible Thing.” New York City Ballet. Facebook, 6 Feb. 2016. Web. 8 Feb. 2016.

122.                  Nichols, Catherine. "Misadventures at Adult Beginner Drop-In Ballet." Jezebel. Jezebel, 11 Mar. 2015. Web. 22 Jan. 2016.

123.                  Ostwald, Peter. Vaslav Nijinsky: A Leap into Madness. New York: Carol Publishing Group, 1991. Print.

124.                  Pelletier Ph.D., Kenneth. "Between Mind and Body: Stress, Emotions, and Health." Mind Body Medicine: How to Use Your Mind for Better Health. Ed. Daniel Goleman, Ph.D., and Joel Gurin. Yonkers: Consumer Reports Books, 1993. 19-38. Print. 

125.                  Pierpont, Julia. Among the Ten Thousand Things. New York: Random House, 2015. Print. 

126.                  Pogrebin, Robin. “Artist’s Vision for Ballet.” The New York Times. 15 Jan. 2016: C26. Print.

127.                  Pointe | 2016 | The National Ballet of Canada. Dir. Paul McNulty. Perf. Jenna Savella. The National Ballet of Canada on YouTube, 2016. Film.

128.                  Popova, Maria. “Martha Graham on the Life-Force of Creativity and the Divine Dissatisfaction of Being an Artist. Brain Pickings. Brain Pickings, 2 Oct. 2015. Web. 20 Jan. 2016.

129.                  Price, Brenna R. and Terry F. Pettijohn II. “The Effect of Ballet Dance Attire on Body and Self-Perceptions of Female Dancers.” Social Behavior and Personality 34(8) (2006): 991-998. Print.

130.                  Queen— Bohemian Rhapsody Reinterpreted— English National Ballet. Dir. Dael Poulter. Perf. Erina Takahashi and James Forbat. Official Queen Channel on YouTube, 2015. Film. 

131.                  Radio and Juliet: Like Spinning Plates. Dir. Edward Clug. Perf. Denis and Anastasia Matvienko. madjonnyfool on YouTube, 2010. Film. 

132.                  Radyuk. Veronica. "Watch this Dance Troupe’s take on Beyonce’s ‘Formation’." Nylon. Nylon Media, 22 Jan. 2015. Web. 13 Jan. 2016.

133.                  Remnick, David. "Danse Macabre: A Scandal at the Bolshoi Ballet.” The New Yorker. Conde Nast, 11 Feb. 2016. Web. 12 Feb. 2016.

134.                  Revolutionary Changes in Regency Dance. Old Dominion Regency Dancers. Dir. Jubilee Miller. The Jane Austen Society of North American: Nebraska Region. W. Dale Clarke Library, Omaha. 12 Dec. 2015. Performance.

135.                  Robin, William. “Americana To Abstract, And Back Once More.” The New York Times. 13 Apr. 2016: C1. Print.

136.                  Rodulfo, Kristina. “How an Elite Ballerina Eats and Exercises American Ballet Theatre​'s Isabella Boylston shares her daily diet and exercise regimen.” Elle. Hearst Communications. 20 Apr. 2016. Web. 25 Apr. 2016. ​

137.                  Schabas, Martha. Various Positions. New York: Frances Foster Books, 2011. Print.

138.                  Schmid, Gretchen. “Crazy Moments in Pointe Shoe History.” Dance Spirit. Dance Media. 13 Apr. 2016. Web. 25 Apr. 2016.

139.                  Scholten, Jenny. Day Stripper. Norwich: New Victoria Publishers Inc., 2000. Print.

140.                  Seidman, Carrie. “Review: A Program worth Waiting for.” Ticket Sarasota. Herald-Tribune Media Group, 30 Jan. 2016. Web. 8 Feb. 2016.

141.                  Sergei Polunin, “Take Me to Church” by Hozier, Directed by David LaChapelle. Dir. David LaChapelle. Perf. Sergei Polunin. David LaChapelle Studio on YouTube, 9 Feb. 2015. Web. 10 Feb. 2016.

142.                  “She’s a Fighter.” Dance Moms. Abby Lee Miller, Mackenzie Ziegler. Hearst Corporation and Walt Disney Company. Lifetime Entertainment Services, New York, 24 Aug. 2011. Television.

143.                  Shipstead, Maggie. Astonish Me. New York: Vintage Books, 2014. Print.

144.                  Siebert, Brian. “A ‘Lear’ With Hops, Posturing, And Spins.” The New York Times. 19 Feb. 2016: C5. Print.

145.                  ---. “Celebrating Balanchine and Heeding Mother Nature.” The New York Times. 25 Jan. 2016: C6. Print.

146.                  ---. “Couplings and Uncouplings in Echoes of Nature.” The New York Times. 8 Feb. 2016: C6. Print.

147.                  ---. “Hot and Cold Collide, Leading to a World in Disarray.” The New York Times. 17 Feb. 2016: C2. Print.

148.                  ---. “Reviving a Meditation On Mexico’s Dark Past.” The New York Times. 22 Feb. 2016: C5. Print.

149.                  ---. “The Evil Queen Lands a Gig at the Kit Kat Club.” The New York Times. 5 Feb. 2016: C5. Print.

150.                  Simkin, Daniil. “Simkin in the City.” Daniil Simkin. Facebook, 2 Apr. 2016. Web. 16 Apr. 2016.  

151.                  Singin in the Rain. Dir. Gene Kelly and Stanley Donen. Perf. Gene Kelly, Donald O’Connor, and Debbie Reynolds. Loew’s Inc. 1952. Film.

152.                  Smith, Angela. “'Pop-up' ballet performance allows viewers to see dancers throughout Vero Beach Museum of Art.” TC Palm. TC Palm, 2 Feb. 2016. Web. 8 Feb. 2016.

153.                  Speck, Scott and Evelyn Cisneros. Ballet for Dummies. Hoboken, Wiley Publishing Inc., 2003. Print.

154.                  Stahl, Jennifer. “Wayne McGregor’s New Music Video is Mesmerizing.” Dance Magazine. Dance Media, 3 Feb. 2016. Web. 29 Mar. 2016.

155.                  “Stealing the Show.” Dance Moms. Abby Lee Miller, Mackenzie Ziegler. Hearst Corporation and Walt Disney Company. Lifetime Entertainment Services, New York, 3 Aug. 2011. Television.

156.                  Strehlke, Sade. “You Won’t Be Able to Stop Watching These Young American Ballet Theatre Dancers.” Teen Vogue. Conde Nast. 15 Apr. 2016. Web. 17 Apr. 2016.

157.                  Sugano, Arleen. “The Physics of the ‘Hardest Move’ in Ballet.” Ted Ed. Ted Conferences. 22 Mar. 2016. Web. 21 Apr. 2016.

158.                  Sulcas, Roslyn. “About-Face for Director of Paris Opera Ballet.” The New York Times. 5 Feb. 2016: C3. Print.

159.                  ---. “A Resignation, Then a Premiere: A Choreographer’s Charged Moment.” The New York Times. 8 Feb. 2016: C2. Print.

160.                  ---. “Mats Ek, the Swedish Choreographer, Says His Goodbye Isn’t Quite a Farewell.” The New York Times. Ed. Dean Baquet. The New York Times Company, 12 Jan. 2016. Web. 20 Jan. 2016.

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163.                  Taylor, Elise. “Is Justin Peck Making Ballet Cool Again?” VF Culture. Conde Nast, 6 Apr. 2016. Web. 26 Apr. 2016.

164.                  Tchoupakov, Anya. “Life-Sized Photographs Expose the Brutality of Ballet Bodies.” The Creators Project. Vice Media, 21 Jan. 2016. Web. 10 Feb. 2016.

165.                  The Art of Making Art. Dir. Patrick Weishampel. Perf. The Oregon Ballet Theatre. Blankeye, 2016. Film.

166.                  The Company. Dir. Robert Altman. Perf. Neve Campbell, James Franco. Sony Pictures Classics, 2004. Film.

167.                  “The Competition Begins.” Dance Moms. Abby Lee Miller, Mackenzie Ziegler. Hearst Corporation and Walt Disney Company. Lifetime Entertainment Services, New York, 13 July 2011. Television.

168.                  The Nutcracker. Ballet Nebraska. Dir. Erika Overturff. Perf. Katie van der Mars, Erin Alarcon. Orpheum Theater, Omaha. 6 Dec. 2015. Performance.

169.                  The Red Shoes. Dir. Michael Powell and Emeric Pressburger. Perf. Moira Shearer, Anton Walbrook. The Criterion Collection, 1948. Film.

170.                  “There’s Only One Star.” Dance Moms. Abby Lee Miller, Mackenzie Ziegler. Hearst Corporation and Walt Disney Company. Lifetime Entertainment Services, New York, 5 Oct. 2011. Television.

171.                  The Sleeping Beauty. The Moscow Festival Ballet. Dir. Marius Petipa. Perf. Maria Sokolnikova, Olga Gudkova. Orpheum Theater, Omaha. 23 Jan. 2016. Performance.

172.                  Theys, Emily Macel. “They Taught Me to…” Dance Magazine. Dance Media, 1 Dec. 2013. Web. 12 Feb. 2016.

173.                  Tobias, Tobi. “Ballet Galore: Week #5.” Seeing Things. Ed. Douglas McLennan. Arts Journal, 31 May 2004. Web. 10 Dec. 2015.

174.                  ---. “Going to the Wood.” Seeing Things. Ed. Douglas McLennan. Arts Journal, 9 Jan. 2005. Web. 10 Dec. 2015.

175.                  “Violette Verdy Passes Away.” Dance Informa. Dance Informa, 8 Feb. 2016. Web. 11 Feb. 2016.

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177.                  Volin, Emily Yewell. "How to stay focused in college dance." Dance Informa. Dance News International, 5 Jan. 2016. Web. 22 Jan. 2016.

178.                  Vonnegut, Kurt. “Harrison Bergeron.” Woodside: Polytech High School, 2002. PDF File.

179.                  Weir, Keziah. “The Private Lives of Prima Ballerinas From dressing rooms to birthing rooms.” Elle. Hearst Communications. 18 Feb. 2015. Web. 25 Apr. 2016.

180.                  West Side Story. Dir. Robert Wise, Jerome Robbins. Perf. Natalie Wood, Richard Beymer. Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, 1961. Film.

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182.                  “When Stars Collide.” Dance Moms. Abby Lee Miller, Mackenzie Ziegler. Hearst Corporation and Walt Disney Company. Lifetime Entertainment Services, New York, 10 Aug. 2011. Television.

183.                  Whitehead Ph.D., William E. "Gut Feelings: Stress and the GI Tract." Mind Body Medicine: How to Use Your Mind for Better Health. Ed. Daniel Goleman, Ph.D., and Joel Gurin. Yonkers: Consumer Reports Books, 1993. 161-175. Print.

184.                  “Wildly Inappropriate.” Dance Moms. Abby Lee Miller, Mackenzie Ziegler. Hearst Corporation and Walt Disney Company. Lifetime Entertainment Services, New York, 20 July 2011. Television.

185.                  Wisner, Heather. “The Glamorous Life: Les Child puts Fashion in Motion.” Dance Magazine. Dance Media, 29 Feb. 2016. Web. 29 Mar. 2016.