often i get very bored. looking out the window is a very fine thing to do, but i find myself looking out the window or giving too much attention to a terribly tiny spider wandering in circles on my notebooks. often while i am in meetings and i am listening and attempting not to look bored or not to look as if i am in disagreement. disagreement, at first glance, is all the wrong look. i am a staunch advocate for not only the right look, but for an argument to make a great purpose. i do not even mind strange, wandering arguments, as long as my curiosity is peaked. usually this is not the case.
i could be very high brow and say that it is not boredom, it is under-stimulation. it is that i am underwhelmed. but this takes all the pleasure of the boredom away and puts it onto everyone else. instead of being bored because, currently, i feel terribly disassociated and in my own head space, which is a rather rudimentary place right now, i would be under-stimulated, which would have to be someone's fault, but not my own.
i prefer my own faults. i prefer this idea that i can fix my own faulted parts and mostly i prefer my boredom.
this week, aside from not sleeping so much and going to meetings and wearing clothes, walking to classrooms and talking about writing and such, aside from all of that, i have decided to take on the banned books list, like in previous cases where i was terribly bored. this is a go to for me. it took up my obsession with salinger last october when i wrote a story i really love and not because it is good so much (these are not the qualities i use in reference to my own work. by rule, i only talk about a writer if i have read at least 3 of his/her works. i have no work, only poems and stories and essays, piecemeal published. so by default, i do not have to speak directly).
so i am starting on ulysses. again. i've attempted this book at least 7 times in my young adult life. i think i need it now.
something very nice happened today. a professor, whom taught at the university while i attended school, was at the meeting today. we formally introduced ourselves and she remembered my name from the writing program even though i never had her as a professor. she later introduced me to another faculty member as "one of ut's star writing students." that was very nice.
lately i have been terribly worried about this. i worry myself a lot. there is a tremendous amount of adversity in the arts, which is why i probably spend so much time thinking about banned books and thinking about salinger. and i still have some weeks to go before murakami's new book is released in the states. i would like a new idea in my head for a time.