sun even wakes

my winters for the past five years or so pretty much follow the same pattern and this year is no different, even though most everything else has changed. it is sunny. i span the days on davis island in my bikini in the backyard, eating oranges and papayas from the trees, or else i run or ride my old bicycle to the park at the far end of bayshore. walk the docks and swing on the playground and watch downtown and davis islands from another coast. i write i read books i paint my nails (fuchsia with glitter today, though they are usually black or burgundy) i study (i work on my phd applications). 

i see friends, i drink homebrews on the backporch with ian, i don't spend a dime on anything (really, i haven't spent a cent since i finished my Christmas shopping Monday) because i have no need to. i cook and bake for the neighbors, i give their little kids cookies and we play and they sing Christmas carols on my voicemail. i walk dogs and run into people i know, i sit on a lot of park benches in the sun, staring out over the bay. i watch the planes fly overhead. i wake terribly early, before the sun even wakes. and i dream all the time. last night i had a dream that my cousin amanda and i were in a biker gang and her nickname was runt. and i have had two dreams this week where i could jump really high and levitate. these are not common dreams in my nonwaking world, but they make me want to sleep to dream even more. i walk around alone, at night, with the puffy white dog, and look at all the decadent Christmas lights, which is not so nearly as lonely as it could sound.