Sunday, July 15, 2012

can't wake up today

despite the coffee the morning run despite the standards of sunday mornings in florida, today is going to be one of those haphazard half-conscious days when the best thing i will probably come up with is what to wear unless something can really shock me awake because i shook and shouted all night in my sleep dreaming nightmare after nightmare of dark shadows and single, winding, long concrete walls and meeting person upon person upon person like me and i have come to believe that i do not like people like me or i just do not trust people like me or maybe it is the people i feel drawn to i think are like me or maybe my skull and its wandering syntax is just dark indeed. maybe i have too many rooms. maybe i cant keep up with my ideas and i wander too far from the focused parts and the technicolor dreams i should be dreaming. maybe it's not that what i wear is the best thing i can think of today but maybe it is just going to be the only thing i can articulate. maybe it is a map or a guidebook but probably just a defense a tortoise shell my bow and arrow. it is the bear trap i take everywhere. i could try to fall asleep again and dream of something different. then the world would be a parable and i would be the alternating symbol between all this waking, sleeping and dreaming. then everything would stop making sense and there would be no lines to follow, no ropes to throw down wells. no dark rooms for bright lights to hide. maybe.

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