after being married for three months, Tim and I decided to have a baby. A tiny little lion in my tummy. It took no time at all really, and I am pretty sure that the day we said it is the day it happened, and the day after my birthday, I was carrying little Langston in my belly.
We only told our immediate family and we went on about life like we always do. We played tennis, watched movies, went on weekend trips; we had fun, and I still worked two jobs, teaching at two schools. This was a little difficult because I was so sleepy in my first trimester and I quit coffee before I got pregnant, but I stayed the course. I woke up at 3 am and graded papers through the summer and fall semesters, and I tried very hard. I stayed patient and level and active. I wore heels, dressed up and did not tell anyone I was pregnant. But at about the twentieth week, I started to show, I suppose, and one of my classes through me a surprise baby shower on Halloween.
It was absolutely the kindest gesture that has ever occurred in my life, and even more so because before that moment, I felt like I had to hide my pregnancy at work. I thought people would look at me differently (which definitely does happen), but I didn't want to be seen as incapable. This kind of gesture made me feel confident and extremely loved and it taught me a lot. So now Langston is almost thirty-one weeks in my belly.
Tim and I are happy and excited. I still work out, read, write and do all the things I did before Langston. He is growing, and he is healthy and kind to me. He is bigger than his months, and he is active. He responds to Tim's voice, and our kitten, Layla, gets jealous when Tim talks to Langston. I haven't been sick for one day; I've worked throughout the pregnancy, and my body hasn't changed so much. I feel confident, more beautiful, loved and centered than I ever have, and I hope that Langston can feel that kind of grace and happiness and all of the energy that surrounds him. Lately, Tim and I have been listening to records until 3a and talking and laughing like always. We laugh so much, and I hope that Langston inherently knows that kind of happiness, that balance; the magical quality that comes when being with the people most loved.